I Care
by TheOne16th
Summary: Raven only wanted to help Beast Boy get over Terra, but that would be a great mistake. An iron mask returns to haunt them and Terra comes back. Meanwhile, voices tear Raven's sanity apart, and only Beast Boy can quiet them. Stuck with no other option, Raven must commit the unthinkable: Take the place of Terra in Beast Boy's heart.
1. Emotion

**Author's Note**: Well, here's a BBxRae fic.

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans, it belongs to its legal owner.

Read on...

* * *

**Chapter One: Emotion**

Raven lay silently on her bed, her head facing the ceiling of her own room. Her mind was cluttered during the night, for the silent time she had, her bedtime, was one of the only escapes of her rampant emotional thoughts that would dare to influence her during the day.

Her powers were very sensitive to emotion, and it required patient meditation to control them at will, and thanks to her daily routine of self-meditation, she gained the ability to tame them. If not, Raven was powerless and her powers would become uncontrollable if given too much emotion. But now, it wouldn't hurt to feel just a small taste of all the colors hiding in her mind, all the feelings that she wanted to grow just a bit acquainted with.

No one was there to threaten her, and so she didn't have to use her powers, making bedtime the perfect moment to think and let go. The silence helped her concentrate and listen to her mostly left-out thoughts; silence was something she'd grown used to all of her life, and now, it didn't hurt a bit to just hear her thoughts out.

The first cart of her train of thoughts, though, was Beast Boy. Recently, Beast Boy's unfortunate attempts to redeem Terra had bugged the whole team. Though it was a joy for BB to see her alive after she was incased in stone (no matter how mysterious it was), it was a shame that she had forgotten everything that had made her life more cherishing yet more tragic. She had so much memories, so much to remember, and although she had so much to regret and be guilty of, she had no idea what her strange amnesia or flawless façade had brought upon Beast Boy's heart.

After knowing that Terra could no longer be returned no matter how much he tried, he returned to the Tower with the saddest, most rare type of frown that would ever bug the normally funny green boy. His fresh wound had bugged the Titans, and the noisy atmosphere of the Tower had toned down to disturbing degrees; Beast Boy's hopefully temporary depression made dramatic effects on his friends, effects notable enough for even Raven to think of in the night.

Raven sighed deeply, making her first sound since she entered the room. "I wonder what Beast Boy's up to…" She mumbled, thinking of his now downhearted teammate.

She hadn't talked to Beast Boy since then. Her sympathetic judgment told her to give his wounded heart much needed space to bear the weight of the unpleasant reality. Robin had tried to console him to make sure that BB was always battle-fit, physically and emotionally, but even with all of the comforting words, even Robin himself wasn't sure if it had done anything to soothe Beast Boy.

Cyborg, being the closest best-friend of Beast Boy, tried as well to put a smile on that once always-smiling face; he knew his best buddy more than most, and with all the failed attempts to make him smile with even just a small joke, Cyborg knew that his friend needed some time alone.

Starfire, arguably being the first-in-command of supporting the Titan's cheerful mood tried all she could to pacify the shape-shifter out of depression, even with the most pleasant and friendly attempts, she too had failed to make a sincere smile on his face, only cracking a smirk on his face that only faded away just as quickly as her attempts came.

Raven didn't try to fix Beast Boy at all even with seeing all her teammates trying futilely to stitch a newly-cut wound. She knew what it was like to be at his level—to be sad, frustrated, guilty, and alone all at the same time. And she knew well that the remedy for BB's mind was some time thinking all by himself before coming out to face others.

Well, in her terms, spending too much on emotion will cause her arcane powers to go haywire in a matter of minutes, and to let go of things for a bit, to clear the mind and to be patient, was one of the ways to deal with all these abrupt emotions. Raven hoped that Beast Boy did the same since she herself knew that dwelling too much on depressing thoughts brings unwanted consequences to those not used to having it.

Worry, it was the first emotion that came, linked to Timidity which concerned every thought depressing and sorrowful. Worry was the least of the Timidity's grey spectrum, the anticipation of something bad could do so much to the naïve mind lacking self-control and security. Raven realized that, and even with a bitter start, continued to allow her emotions to flow.

Strange though, her worry for Beast Boy was intense. It was either she had not felt this emotion for some time or Beast Boy really had it that bad.

* * *

A faint sound began to emerge from the Ops room, enough to be caught at the edge of Raven's earshot. A muffled sound of electronic music, rapid blasts, and exaggerated movement, it was familiar to Raven.

_Someone's awake_, she thought. Usually at an hour of 12:27 AM, seven minutes after Raven's meditation routine, she was always the Titan awake at this hour if the night was not at all special. She became curious, causing her to begin investigating the sound.

She stood up from her bed, landing her feet on the ground and placing her hood back. Sure enough, the sound wasn't from something dangerous, it had music in it, it seemed awfully familiar. Raven walked to her door, unlocked it, and the steel door automatically opened. The sound was no longer muffled as she took a step out. Her head turned to the left, where the sound was coming from, to the dark passage that led to the Main Ops room.

The sound was recognizable now and the bright light at the end of the passage marked activity in the room. It brought confusion to Raven. _Beast Boy's video games…_ _Why is he up so late? _She thought, continuing to the passage and reaching its end, giving her a good enough view of the main room.

And there he was, sitting down on the couch, controller in hand, bashing the controller's buttons in front of the bright flat-screen now booming with the graphics of his video game. There were emptied bags of chips, a couple of bottled sodas, and some other wrappers on the ground in front of him. He was leaning forward, his attention affixed to the game.

Raven moved closer, but just enough for her to be still out of Beast Boy's senses (she took caution of his heightened sense of smell and hearing). She watched him, wanting to observe him first before catching his attention. He seemed to be silent, and unmoving, like a statue whose hands that moved only to press the buttons of the controller.

Raven knew that Beast Boy usually had an act of commenting every time he made a move in the game, but now he seemed to have his lips shut, as if he was in a trance as he played. This was the first time Raven had ever seen Beast Boy sneaking in the night to play video games, and she had never heard of him doing it, mainly because Beast Boy eventually grew tired of playing it all day.

Beast Boy then made the game pause, exited it, shutting the screen's light, now placing the room in moonlight and silence. And still, he sat quietly on the couch. "Raven, I know you're there. I can smell you." He said, almost emotionlessly.

Raven felt a nervous wave of shock. She had underestimated his senses, and now she owed him an explanation. "Beast Boy, you should get some sleep. It's twelve thirty" Raven said what she could. Now was not the time for a sarcastic remark.

"I don't need sleep. Leave me alone" Beast Boy said.

Raven was undaunted and instead continued to go closer. She could still see him, a moonlit silhouette of him at least. "Beast Boy, why are you doing this? I've never seen you stay up and play video games…"

"I need to get my mind off stuff. I don't want to go back to my room thinking of the same things over and over again…"

Raven took steps closer until she was already by the side of the couch. "It's about Terra isn't it?"

"Yeah…" Beast Boy's voice had the tone of sadness, but then he raised it up. "It's nothing you should care about, anyway."

Raven was now just enough for him to turn his head to see her. "Beast Boy… We all care for you because you're our friend. I care too, you know?" Raven spoke, her emotions were released at the moment, but she considered it a minor annoyance. But even so, she seemed to try hard to sound emotionless like she always was.

"Oh yeah? Starfire, Cyborg, and Robin tried to cheer me up the past few days and all you did was look at me." His voice turned angry. Beast Boy stood up, pointing a finger at Raven. She was surprised, not used to Beast Boy responding too sensitively. Her Worry had molded into Fear, and now this "minor" annoyance was slowly becoming a disaster. "You don't care, now do you? You can't even say anything nice to me!" He continued.

"Isn't that what you want?" Raven ticked off, her Fear now turned to Anger. In the back of her mind, her emotions were stirring as this conversation was getting a bad start. She couldn't believe that people can live a life full of these feelings running around in their heads. "I gave you some space to think. All the others-"

"All the others tried!" Beast Boy interrupted. "And you did nothing but ignore me!" He took a step closer, further pointing his finger at Raven.

Raven saw his reasonable point, but in her anger, didn't acknowledge it. "I didn't ignore you! I spent the past few days worrying about you!"

"Oh, so you reading your stupid books while Star, Cy, and Robin were trying to cheer me up isn't called 'ignoring' me, huh? " Beast Boy didn't give up the fight like he would do if he were in a better mood. Raven almost wondered how their arguments would be if they kept up with it, unconscious of their anger and with no one to stop them, but now she was slowly about to know.

Raven was thankful that her Anger didn't explode into Rage, or Beast Boy would have to face the wrath of her demonic side. Yet, she continued to argue. "Wouldn't you want some space? They tried to cheer you up but all you did was stay in that depressed state of yours!"

Raven paced forward. "From the start, I thought you needed time to think about Terra, and not just time, but space!" She continued on, Beast Boy stepping backward for her not to touch him. Her pointing finger faced directly to his chest like an arrow, and her tone of anger rose.

"And now you're here, wasting your time on that stupid game, when you should be in your head clearing your own problems!" Raven's powers were gathering up in the insides of her clenched fists. She noticed them, and she began to relax to control the dark energy that responded to anger.

Beast Boy couldn't take much more, and he didn't take the time to notice that Raven wasn't in her usual emotionless state, and now he had to handle her without even getting used to her now revealing emotions. "You know what? You're just jealous of all of them dragging their attention to me." Beast Boy moved, his pace being quicker and his point being sharper than that of Raven's.

"You're a lonely, _creepy_, emotionless Goth and even with us being your 'friends' you still shut everyone out like they're a problem to you! It's like not caring and being alone is something you need to do to live! And now I'm here, needing help the most because the only girl who ever loved me just dumped me and forgot about everything we ever did together!"

Raven began to raise her arm, as if trying to shield herself from the anger of Beast Boy, who was now almost cornering her to the window. His words hurt, not just because he directly assaulted her personality, but also because he tried to make her feel guilty.

"Everyone is else is trying to help, and every bit of their help keeps me away from hurting myself, and you on the other hand make me feel like I _need_ to hurt myself because I know that one of my 'friends' doesn't even care about me even when she could see me drifting away! Because I know that someone out there, even though seeing me like this, can actually still not give a damn about me!" Beast Boy ended it there.

He was a few feet from Raven, but even so, the proximity emphasized his point. Raven was only backing away, first with a glare on her face then slowly, as Beast Boy progressed with his speech, with a guilty expression that faced down to the floor, shadowing her eyes.

He breathed heavily, his frustration nearly pulled him to tears as every word vented itself out like every letter had been written in pure anger. But slowly, like becoming sober, he realized the weight of all that he said to Raven, and by the time that happened, it was too late.

Raven looked up at him, her eyes looking not as a glare, but as a saddened glance. And with that glance, Beast Boy saw tears shining faintly in the moonlight. Her Anger had faded into Sorrow. Every word that Beast Boy had just said hurt her, and the way he said everything, was as if he himself didn't care, as if both of them haven't gone through the impossible together.

Beast Boy's pointing finger had become an open hand trying to reach out for Raven. He was now choking on his own words. "I… I'm sorry Rae, I… I didn't mean to-"

"I'll give you your space." She said bitterly, almost sounding like she tried to swallow a sob. She then ran for whatever passage was nearest, and that was the passage that lead to the elevator to the roof. The tears that welled up on her eyes loosely fell as she ran to the elevator, leaving a trail of falling tears as she ran. Beast Boy tried to catch up to her, but she ran too quick for him to catch.

The elevator doors shut and Beast Boy pinched the center of his nose in frustration. He then banged his head on the elevator doors, wishing he could take back what he just said. He breathed in and out, he had to fix this before morning comes or Robin will catch wind of this. He pressed the elevator button, and waited, thinking hard of what to say to her when he arrives up there.

Raven punched the button up, and now it responded with elevator going up the roof. She felt powerless with all these emotions, but too powerful if they got too intense. She didn't want it to feel like this, and she knew better not to talk back to a depressed, angered person, but now all was said and done, and she herself couldn't believe Beast Boy had just said such a volley of hate and guilt.

Raven wiped her tears. She hadn't cried in a long time and seeing the tears made her feel like she wasn't herself. The elevator stopped at the rooftop and she took a step out, breathing in the fresh air at her first step out. The city was beautiful, and the lights were glimmering in the distance, reflecting their rapt onto the mirror of water the sea brought. The city, the air, she felt the need to… _Meditate_, she thought. Yes, she had to control these emotions already, and the scene was perfect. She walked up to the edge facing the city and sat down folding her legs. Thankfully, Beast Boy wouldn't be up there to interrupt her, he didn't want to be talking to her anyway…

Just as she was about to say her incantation and feel her powers, she stopped. "Raven?" Beast Boy said. She looked back and saw him, standing limply, fumbling with his thumbs. Beast Boy caught Raven's look, causing him to look down on the ground as he couldn't bear to look at her remembering what he had just said. "Look, I'm sorry…"

* * *

**Author's Note:** Well, gotta end it from there, I need to plot out the next few scenes. Thanks for reading, hope you guys liked it, leave a review if you want to, concrits are alright, flames no.

Well, I wanted to respond to the reviews to show my gratitude to the few who have taken time to write their appreciation for this story.

Oro Rosa- Thank you very much :). It pays off if I put a lot of thought in my writing, and I do try to detail the emotions.

Reavus- Thank you so much for both your compliment and critique. As I wrote their arguments, that very thought crossed into my mind; at first, I thought that it was tolerable, but well, I guess I could take that back, he he. As for the line break, your personal preference was correct, and I thank you for that suggestion since I really wasn't able to think of that. Your corrections were applied and I again thank you for taking the time to write a concrit :)

MadMaxLaxBro- Thank you, and I hope your patience holds out ;)

CleoArrow- Thank you for interest and your compliment :)

PurpleNinja- Thanks! I'll try my best :)

tsk91- He he, just as I wanted :)


	2. Concern

**Chapter Two: Concern**

Raven looked away, her eyes shut and her mouth gritting her teeth in an attempt to hide her frustration. She didn't want to look at him after all that Beast Boy said, and the thought of the past argument invaded her mind just as she was having her calm.

Beast Boy still stood there with a guilty look on his face. He first thought of his next words as he looked down, then when he had composed his apology, he walked closer when he began to speak.

"I didn't mean to say that kind of stuff to you, Rae, I just didn't know what went into my brain" He said, softly to tell Raven that he was no longer mad. Raven didn't look, pieces of her own frustration wanted to spit back at him with something negative, but her own self-control kept her mouth shut.

Beast Boy walked to the side of Raven. "Please, Rae, I know you're mad, but I don't want you to be my problem…" He sat down beside her, hugging his knees and taking a second to notice the beautiful skyline in front of them. "It's pretty isn't it? The city…" He mumbled.

Raven noticed his closeness but even if she could simply turn her head to look at him, she only continued to gaze back into the lights of Jump City. Even with her anger or sadness, she responded as monotone as she could. "I thought I'm already your problem" She said, her eyes looking to the right, where Beast Boy is.

He only sighed and averted his gaze out of the city, now looking down to dark edge of the sea that was too far gone to reflect the lights. "I didn't want you to be my problem. I was too focused on my depression that I already forgot about your feelings." He placed his left hand on her shoulder, and turned her head towards her. "I'm sorry."

Raven felt his hand; it sent a ripple of energy when he made contact with her. She didn't expect his touch, and the feeling made her feel weak in nervousness since she wasn't used to such touch. In response, Raven placed a hand on Beast Boy's, sending a slight pull that wanted it off her shoulder.

"I'm the one who's supposed to be sorry, Beast Boy." Raven looked at him, mustering some bravery to do so. "I forgot about your feelings too. I should've done something to make you feel better" She looked down, watching the shadowed tides crash onto the shore of their island. "But I guess you're right, I ignored you and I didn't know it made you feel that way."

His hand slipped away from her shoulder and landed on the dry concrete. He didn't want Raven to be guilty now that her regret saddened him as well, and the fact that she was in regret was something that mellowed his heart. "It's fine, Rae, I could've asked and-"

Raven picked up the hand that he just pulled away, raising it and cupping it in both her palms. Beast Boy was taken by surprise, and when he looked, he saw her eyes, looking at him sincerely, as if her sincere emotions had gleamed in the reflection of her look. Her emotionless demeanor had faded, and now she looked at him with worried eyes.

"I want to help you." She said, the monotone gone. "You don't have to ask. I'm your friend."

Beast Boy returned her look with a brief astonishment. He noticed that Raven's emotions were let loose, and the way she acted almost seemed so alien to him. It deeply reminded him of the time he saw Happy Raven in Nevermore, how he reacted to a strange out-of-place Raven. His look of surprise was gone when the words occurred to him, making a light sigh after.

"Raven, I wish there was a way you could help me be _me_ again." Beast Boy then slowly pulled his hand away, causing Raven's own hands to let go. "Nobody can replace Terra. She was so dear to me, and now that she's gone, now that she wants to forget, it makes me feel like I've forgotten myself."

Raven's emotions were like a maelstrom of colors. It began to influence her words and her manner of thinking, and without meditation and sleep, she was losing control, losing the normal resistance to these feelings. Words that encircled her head dared to escape her mouth.

"I haven't forgotten you" Raven said. "I miss your bad jokes and your silly pranks. The way you always bugged me, and argued with me, yet still be my friend, I missed that." She turned her head away, recalling his bitter words.

"But with our argument a while ago, it was like we were never friends." Raven continued, she shut her eyes as if trying to stop herself. "It hurt me because the person I argued with wasn't the Beast Boy I knew... That's why I want to help you."

Beast Boy listened to her, and she was right, he wasn't himself lately. He needed help, and if Raven just did what the other Titans did, he predicted that it would still have no effect. His own mind was against him, and he fought its depression alone, unknowingly cutting off everyone else. But no matter how hard he tried to think of a way Raven could help him be him again, it saddened him that nothing came in mind.

"Thanks for wanting to cheer me up, Rae, but there really is no way you could-"

"There has to be" Raven said. "Robin helped me when I was hopeless, and even you were able to do that after that mess with Malchoir." She nearly winced, remembering the vile dragon, but then she returned to her comforting tone "There always will be a way."

She tried to console him with that point, but all Beast Boy did was make another sigh with his eyes looking down to the dark side of the sea. The words of Terra echoed in his mind, and it was too heavy for him to even think of a way to lighten the darkness in his mind.

"As I said, _nobody_ can replace Terra, and nobody can bring her back. We can just hope that I'll snap out of this soon…"

Raven knew that "soon" probably meant forever, and him saying that only made her worry even more. She realized that he was too far gone to fight this off by himself. He needed help from someone, not just consolation from anyone, he needed better solace.

Her emotions screamed answers to her, the influences of these forces in her mind and the emotions of Beast Boy shattered her resistance, and she had no choice but to blurt out the impossible.

"I'll try to bring her back." Raven said softly. Throughout their conversation, both had unconsciously grown closer together, only inches away from each other's shoulders. Raven placed a hand on Beast Boy's shoulder, causing him to look back at her. She still had this concerned look on her face, and Beast Boy only returned her look with a raised eyebrow.

"How?" Beast Boy said. "I tried… and I failed." His voice faded into sadness, and his eyes now luster with hurt.

They looked at each other. Raven felt this uneasy closeness. They were only inches away from each other, and a sinking feeling had drowned Raven's dark heart. She could see every shred of pain in him, almost like she could feel his very hurt. What she now looked at was a sorrowed soul, dismayed by a loss of a loved one. It made a sense of sympathy in her, but the feeling in her chest, it was… not supposed to be there.

She couldn't tell, but as the emotions first influenced her words, it now manipulated her actions. Raven felt his need for someone to be with, it tickled her power and controlled her movement.

Her hand on his shoulder traveled to his cheek and moved up, gently cupping his temple. She sensed that something inside her had unleashed, and strangely, the more she stared into his eyes, the greater this sense became; like something hidden unraveled inside her. She looked at him, a feeling was pushing her, telling her to look at his lips, tilt her head, move closer and…

Her eyes widened. She realized what she was thinking of and what she was feeling, and quickly, she set her hand down on the floor before anymore had came in mind. That was too close for friends, and she had forgotten the volatility of her emotions. Quickly, she thought of a way that she was thinking of as they spoke "I... I'll see if she does remember. We can start there."

Beast Boy noticed her movement and had it on his mind. He saw how she was biting her lip after she spoke, as if mentally listening to herself scold herself. Raven seemed awfully close when she had done that, and he took it as a way to just comfort him, but it was obvious that Raven meant something else, just not obvious to Beast Boy. What Raven had said though, was more important than what she did.

Beast Boy then embraced Raven, wrapping his arms around her neck, catching her off-guard. "Thanks, Rae, you're the best." He said, the first bout of happiness in his tone, and thankfully he didn't see what Raven hadn't done in some time: she blushed.

The feeling of Beast Boy's embrace brought the same surge of energy when he had placed his hand on her shoulder, but this time, it was stronger. He then held both her shoulders, and looked at her with a smile "So are we cool?" He said, his voice tender.

His smile brought joy in Raven, knowing that she was the first to give him this sincere smile. "We are." She responded with a warm smile. "Uh… Just tell me where she usually hangs-out."

* * *

Raven returned to her room and Beast Boy had went back to his own.

_Murakami School, don't forget_, she placed a mental note and set her body onto her bed. She was tired already and sleep was what she needed, yet she couldn't help but recall her moment with Beast Boy. And she remembered as well, what she just did… The unnecessary amount of closeness she made when she held his hand and cupped his cheek.

She winced at the thought. Doing that wasn't like herself, and she hated having all this emotions around like switches that operated her. _Ugh… What made me do that? _She thought. _Terra would've crushed me under a boulder if she saw me do that to BB…_

Raven shifted her body to the side and closed her eyes, wanting to get these thoughts off, but then they continued to avalanche in her head. _I shouldn't have done that… What was I thinking?_ She began arguing to herself.

_Thankfully he didn't see that action the way I saw it, or he could've pushed me…_ _It was too close... At least I made him smile…_

Beast Boy's smile… That made everything worthwhile. Raven saw the first sincere smile Beast Boy had made ever since his mishap with Terra, and to know that she had made it when he thought she had done nothing to make him smile lately gave her a sense of triumph. But that didn't take the most space in her mind, those tingling feelings that coursed in her chest whenever Beast Boy grew close remained unknown to her, yet, so similar to when she had the same feelings with…

_No… That can't happen_, she thought and it hurt. Malchoir, the wretched dragon used her affection for his escape, and from that day on she told herself that love was (ironically) cynical, that people only had it for their own intention. She didn't want to acknowledge this feeling, especially not for her friend, and the thought of it was impossible.

_But why do I want too badly to help him? And worse, why did I… want to kiss him?_ Raven knew all too well that these feelings were not supposed to be there, simply because it was only a sign of lack of self-control, and it sounded all the more wrong when these were directed to Beast Boy who still had a thing for Terra. She couldn't understand herself, and deep inside her, she too felt like she needed help.

She wanted to stop thinking and let go of these things tomorrow in her morning meditation, hopefully, if she wakes up early. And if there's no emergency tomorrow, she'll have to deal with Terra's mind with her psychic powers.

Her thoughts faded into whispers, her body embraced the softness of the bed, and her mind drifted and drifted, until she was in the darkness and comfort of sleep.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Thanks for reading chapter and for the first few faves and follows. Leave a review if you want to, concrits are alrighty, flames no.

Update: I did some researching over Terra lately, and turns out it's not Jump City High-School(as I guessed it to be, my bad), but it was actually Murakami School. Not really a big change but yeah, a minor inconvenience.


	3. Facades

**Chapter Three: Facades**

It was morning by then. The Main Ops room was already occupied, and breakfast was just about to be cooked. Robin sat down on the couch while he watched TV. Cyborg was busy cooking everyone's breakfast, and Starfire was just as busy cleaning the mess in front of the couch.

"Man, I told BB to always clean up when he's out here cause' this ain't his room." Cyborg said as he cooked multiple pancakes along with bacon.

"Well, please remind him about leaving his mess of chips and sodas" Starfire said, placing the last of the litter inside of a plastic bag.

"Beast Boy's been on my mind lately. Anyone see anything wrong with him lately?" Robin said, flipping another channel.

"Duh, he still ain't over Terra. I talked to the kid. Said he just wanted to think about it." Cyborg flung all the pancakes he had into the air, and with his targeting systems, landed them all perfectly back on the pans. "Booyah…" he chuckled.

"I have noticed that our friend Beast Boy no longer participates with me in my planet's special events" Starfire tied a knot on the plastic bag, and then proceeded to dispose of the trash. "He must really be saddened to see Terra as she is now."

"I've talked to him, and all he told me he needed was some thinking first." Robin said.

"Yeah, that guy takes about four days to think" Cyborg then finished cooking, setting the food down on the plates. "He's had all the time to move on, man, but he's still not snapping out of it."

"It reminds me of when he went all primal at us before" Robin stood up.

"But now he is not primal, he is… sad" Starfire said, going behind the couch.

"And he is missing out breakfast" Cyborg said. "Man, he always used to complain about my cooking, never thought I would miss it." He finished setting the food and began eating his own breakfast. The others walked to the dining table ready to have their fill.

Starfire sighed. "It is an awfully quiet breakfast if Beast Boy is not-"

Another Titan entered the room. "Mornin' guys!" Beast Boy greeted, walking in. "Now you weren't going to start breakfast without me, now will you?" He started to walk to the dining table.

All of the other Titans almost looked at each other in surprise, but then Robin spoke up. "Uh, no, Beast Boy! We were just wondering about you!" He said, near nervous.

"Uh… yeah! You always never miss breakfast." Cyborg said. "But you almost did today!"

"And yesterday" Starfire said. "And the day before" Her voice grew smaller as she noticed the worried looks of the other Titans.

There was a brief silence. Beast Boy took a seat, a raised eyebrow on his face. "Is there something going on?" He said.

Cyborg then set a generous pile of pancakes on his plate. "We were just worried about you lately, that's all."

"Your recent behavior was starting to give us some concern" Robin said.

"There's nothing to worry about guys, seriously, it's just a couple of sad days" Beast Boy said with nonchalance. He then took a big bite on his pile of pancakes.

"Then we're glad to see you like this" Robin said with a smile. "Wait, where's Raven?"

"Breakfast isn't so complete without Rae to swallow BB's bad jokes" Cyborg said.

"Heeeyyy!" Beast Boy said.

Cyborg chuckled. "She practically eats your jokes for breakfast, hah hah!"

As if in response to their conversation, Raven entered the Ops room. "Good morning" She said in that same, blank voice. There was a brown book opened in her hands, covering almost all of her face, and she was reading it even as she began walking to the dining table. She took her seat, and Cyborg carefully placed food at her platter.

There was quiet, and Raven started to notice all the eyes looking at her. She peeked out of the book with a rather annoyed face. "Why is everyone looking at me?" She said.  
"You usually read a book _after_ you eat breakfast" Beast Boy said. "An early Raven gets the bookworm, I guess" He made an airy laugh but it slowly died down when everyone except Starfire(who was laughing almost uncontrollably) glared comically at him.

"Right…" Raven said, shrugging off the joke, well, if it was a joke to her.

"Now that the whole gang's complete, let's eat!" Cyborg said, brandishing his spoon and fork. He began to devour food after food like a starved animal.

"Alright!" Beast Boy started out like Cyborg as well, and the others started eating slowly.

Raven set down her book on her lap and took small rounds of her own food. Her eyes would look back and forth at Beast Boy. When she was cutting her bacon, she would look, when she was going to bite, she would look again. Perhaps she was only looking out for Beast Boy's returned joy that she had returned the other night. He was contesting pancakes with Cyborg, making more of his silly jokes with Starfire giggling in the background, and smiling as always. It was him again.

For a moment, Beast Boy caught Raven's look at the right time.

There it was again, it took her again. That same… rushing feeling that got to her from Beast Boy's look; she had to quickly avert her eyes from him before he started to notice. _Get a grip on yourself. _She thought. The heat on her cheeks, she was feeling it, anymore of the feeling and her cheeks would redden. She silently pulled up her hood while the others were distracted, hoping that they wouldn't notice her unwanted reaction.

_This isn't supposed to happen. I meditated awhile ago just exactly for this. _She continued to eat but with these kind of thoughts in her head for the rest of the meal. She didn't want to feel this way for Beast Boy, because she knows well that both of them cannot be. This feeling also brought shame in her, a shame that reminded her that Beast Boy wasn't for her, but for Terra.

* * *

Breakfast was finished, and thankfully, there was no emergency to interrupt the hearty meal. The team began to deal with their personal routines. Cyborg was back fixing something at the garage, Starfire was dealing with Silkie in her room, and Robin was just sitting by the couch watching TV as he hoped for some action.

Raven was just about to escape back into her room when Beast Boy had noticed her leave rather quickly. "Raven!" He called out, stopping her in her tracks. He got back towards her just by the doorway leading to the next corridor.

She just had her back turned with her hood up. "Uh… Murakami's class schedules are already half-way done." Beast Boy reminded. "I hope you don't miss her out."

Raven almost forgot; she was going to help Beast Boy with Terra. "I will find her" Raven said, too laconically for Beast Boy not to worry about.

"What's the matter, Rae? You seemed a bit _too_ quiet back in breakfast and you've been trying to avoid my jokes and my looks." Beast Boy said, his tone showing concern. "I hope I'm not sick, cause' it looks like you caught my 'sad' fever"

_Great…_ She was hoping that he hadn't noticed. Now she was scanning her mind for anything sensible to say. "It's nothing. I just… I just didn't feel like it."

"Raven, I know you like you know me, there's something wrong."

She felt his hand on his shoulder. That was the least he could've done and it was already making her feel strange. He didn't need to know the truth, but she didn't want to lie, so she had to think of something at least a bit truthful. "My emotions went crazy last night. I'm trying hard to control them now."

She still wasn't looking at him, and her slightest movement was just her head turning for Beast Boy to hear her better.

BB scratched his head, remembering all the fuss they did. "Oh… sorry about that, I just hope it sinks in." He made airy laughs again. "They must've been so crazy cause' the other night I thought you were about to kiss me!"

Every nerve inside Raven just came to a halt, like every on and off switch in her head just went off for a moment. That was exactly what she had thought about, and now Beast Boy just blurted it out.

She had to say something before Beast Boy got any wrong ideas. "Even if I was crazy that'd be the last thing I'd do." She said in a tone hanging by the edge of sarcasm and seriousness. Raven continued walking and Beast Boy was just tailing her. "I'll be on my way to Murakami School, and I hope I do recognize her."

Raven stopped, a slight grip and pull on her wrist caused her to look back. Beast Boy held her wrist suddenly as she walked, causing her to stop in confusion. "Raven, look, I know this sounds a bit, well… _crazy_ but it looks like you're hiding something."

No matter how shocking this touch was, Raven mustered enough calm to raise an eyebrow. "What makes you say that?"

"You're acting strange, you don't wanna talk, and you move fast" Beast Boy had figured it out, and Raven feared that he wasn't going to let her go without an answer to him. "Like when we were in the roof, it felt like you were going to kiss me, but then when you pulled your hand and bit your lip, it _really_ felt like you were going to kiss me if nothing stopped yo-"

"Beast Boy, I'm not into you, if that's what you're thinking" Raven managed to use her emotionless demeanor. She was lucky that she had her back turned, the red on her cheeks were starting to make her melt. She took a moment to damn her sensitive emotions before speaking. "Look, I want to help you out with Terra, not replace her."

Raven pulled her wrist away, and faced back to where she was headed. "Like you said, nobody can replace her." Somehow, the line she had uttered felt like a tip of a needle grazing her heart, dripping one drop of emotion in her tone as she ended what she said: sorrow.

Beast Boy felt a spill of embarrassment, assuming that Raven liked him was something crossing the line in his mind. He scratched his head again, puzzled in what to feel. "I'm not asking you to replace her, Raven…" He started. "But I just want you to bring her back."

"I'll try to." Raven said, before quickening her pace, leaving Beast Boy without another word. _What in Azar is going on in my head!?_ She scolded in the void of her mind.

_Why did it hurt to say that? Why did it hurt to know that she can't be replaced? _

* * *

Raven glided silently through the city, unnoticed by most of the crowd below. Murakami School was in her sight and was heading directly for it having been given directions by Beast Boy.

The school was rather large and it looked more modern than most other schools with British-like design. Though it was comparable to the other olden schools, this one just seemed average enough.

Raven landed on foot, first observing the school from its front gate. There was no one there as of now, classes were going on.

She headed for the nearest tree and took cover under its shade. "Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos" Raven chanted. Her eyes glowed white and a shadowy aura engulfed her body rending her invisible. Her form was akin to a dark phantom in the façade of a poltergeist.

Raven walked past the fence like it was air, and continued on to the inside of the school. It was rather empty, except for the occasional janitor that cleaned the halls while the students were in classes.

Assuming the school level of Terra would be, she checked out the rooms of Middle School one by one. Her time was plenty, and she hoped that no emergency would interrupt this personal mission.

Raven would peek through the viewing glasses the doors would conveniently have, and she would see all the students with a good view from one corner. She checked, looking at each individual student and finding no Terra yet.

She looked door after door, almost seeming like she had already gone through a whole batch of classes. Until she came upon room 216, she looked through the glass and there she was, sitting up-front on the left just in front of the teacher's table.

Raven nearly gasped. Beast Boy was right; she looked exactly Terra, that's if she wasn't Terra. Raven continued on inside the classroom by walking past the door, now standing just by the right corner.

"Now tell me children, can any of you tell me the types of rock?" The teacher asked, her ominous eyes moving about like a sniper's scope, searching eagerly for the right target amongst her innocent students.

Nobody dared raise their hands. Raven could tell why. The female teacher was rather large, old, and wrinkly, almost like her gruff voice. If Raven was revealed and the students asked to point out who was a witch, she guessed that the teacher would still be picked in a heartbeat.

Raven looked at Terra. Her eyes seemed to be caught in a daydream as she looked at the drawing of different stone on the blackboard.

"Ah, Caroline Zemlya, one of our top students, would you care to identify the types of rocks on the board?" She said, almost in delight when she had caught the girl daydreaming. Raven could've sworn she heard held-back laughter when the teacher had set her eyes on her.

Terra did not respond to her teacher. All she did was stare at the drawings. Raven was beginning to wonder what was going on in Terra's head, until she looked at the blackboard in curiosity. It was a hint; the drawings on the board were different rocks.

"Zemlya!" The teacher snapped, calling her attention as she was beginning to lose her patience.

She got back to reality and quickly shouted an answer. "Uh, yes!" She said aloud as her mind thought of answer on its own. Her response caused every one of her classmates to laugh.

Raven felt bad as she saw the mixture of humiliation and confusion in Terra's face as she was being laughed at. Raven glared at the teacher, who was even smirking a bit and enjoying the moment before calling the class to silence.

"Silence everyone!" The teacher called. "Now, Caroline, would you care to identify the different types of rocks?"

Terra looked like she was trembling, but then she stood up. "Igneous, sedimentary, and metamorphic" She said, her voice lowered down.

"Very good, would you take the time to describe an igneous rock?"

"It's a type of rock made by volcanic means, usually through the cooling of lava or magma." Terra answered. She was very bright and this impressed her classmates, but caused her to be envied by others.

The teacher raised an eyebrow. "Hmph, at least you know the answer. You may take your seat."

Terra then sat down, now focusing on her own notebook. She seemed a bit troubled after being embarrassed but then her eyes slowly shifted to concentration. She was copying the notes on the board, and by the looks of it, she did have a busy study schedule.

Raven moved towards Terra and sat down on the ground, just beside her chair. Raven looked up to her face, and every exact detail as she remembered Terra was on this girl.

Besides observing Terra, Raven had to listen to this lecture about Geology until class was dismissed. Fortunately, this was the last period.

"Alright, class dismissed. Don't forget, we have two quizzes tomorrow!" The teacher reminded before taking her items and leaving the room. The students then began to take their own items and leave the classroom.

Raven followed Terra, watching her look troubled. She was only looking down the floor with all her items held tight to her chest. It seemed like something bad was on her mind.

The rest of the day, Raven followed her. She had two good friends and they were Terra's way of forgetting the mental stress of class. One was just a redhead, just as tall as Terra, and the other was an African-American, much taller than her other two friends. All of them were girls, and Raven nearly had the urge to cover her ears when all of them began talking.

Even with all the trivial topics (how Raven saw it), talking with her friends seemed was the one of the only ways she could smile in school. Time came and Terra had to go home, even if these three were almost inseparable, she had left them waving goodbye for this day.

Raven was right behind her even as Terra began entering a green beetle car. Raven entered with her, focusing her dark cloak of magic to allow her to touch the car only. The driver was tall, hardened, aged, and brown-haired. He wore a green checkered shirt and straight-cut pants.

"So how was your day, Caroline?" The driver said, his voice evident with the coming of age.

"It was fine, dad. I topped Math and Geology class today" Terra said. The car went on its way back to their house. As they went, Raven listened to their conversation.

"Very good, Carol, from the looks of it, you'll be a scientist when you grow up" Her dad said.

"Meh, not really, dad, sounds kinda stressful"

"Well, if you don't like it, don't work for it. But that don't mean you should flunk Math and Geology, dear."

"I won't, dad" She said, after that, Terra remained silent throughout the trip. They finally arrived at their house, well, more of an apartment. Terra got outside and Raven continued to follow her.

The frontage of the building was dark brown, lined with many windows. It was the normal look of most apartments: dark, silent, roomy, and a bit messy depending on who managed it. From the looks of it, it could be about fourteen stories tall with a lot of residents.

They entered and took the elevator. The inside seemed to complement its outside. The place had a brownish mood with only the carpets and the occasional metal (such as the elevator door) to be different from the background's color.

They arrived at the 9th floor. The elevator door opened with a ding and they made their way through the halls. Finally, they were in front of the room 909. Terra's stepfather took his keys and opened the door to reveal the normal family abode. A kitchen by the side, living room merged to accommodate the apartment space, a few rooms here and there, and one bathroom.

Raven noticed that her stepfather didn't call out his arrival. There was no 'Honey, I'm home!', just plain silence. Raven guessed that she probably didn't have a stepmother or that she simply wasn't home. Instead of the normal greeting, he said "Carol, if you're hungry there's still some food in the fridge, alright?"

Caroline nodded and continued on to her room, resting by the end of the main room. It was surprisingly neat (considering how messy Terra was back then) and the first thing she did was sit on the chair in front of her study desk. There was a closet, a single bed, one window, and a vanity mirror, but unlike most other students, she didn't use any of those first, instead, she studied, not even bothering to change to something casual.

Raven watched her, still waiting for any clues that might lead to her true identity. She looked too much like Terra to even second-guess the difference. There _has_ to be something that she might've kept that Terra would keep.

There was a radio by her study desk, and it was only loud enough for her to hear, but then as she was scanning her notebook, she turned up the volume without looking up.

_I'm not coming back_

_I've done something so terrible_

_I'm terrified to speak_

_But you'd expect that from me_

_I'm mixed up,_

_I'll be blunt_

_Now the rain is just washing you out my hair_

_And out my mind! _

_Keeping an eye on the world_

_So many thousands of feet off the ground_

_I'm over you now,_

_I'm at home at the clouds_

_Towering over your hair_

Caroline sighed longingly, like she was losing her breath when the lyrics came back. She pulled out a drawer and took something from it. Raven looked closer, and she saw three pieces of rough rock.

_Meteorites?_ Raven thought, knowing how it looked like. These types of rocks were expensive and selling them would bring in a hefty price for a student, but instead, the girl kept them.

She closed her notebook, and rolled the stones on her desk. Caroline/Terra lifted a hand up, now glowing with the powerful yellow aura. Raven almost lost control of her powers in astonishment. This was Terra and there was no more denying it.

Terra twirled the rocks around each other while her fingers manipulated them. She stared with a forlorn look on her eyes, like how she looked when she saw the drawings on the blackboard. The meteorites just spun there like every cycle brought memories in her mind.

Raven couldn't take hiding anymore. She caught Terra red-handed and the time to reveal herself was now.

Raven locked the door, still in her invisible form, causing Terra to look back in shock as she heard the metal click. The stones dropped on the desk. This was too strange. She had just revealed her powers and now her doorknob just locked itself.

She stood up cautiously, looking down on the door knob with her hand reaching for it. Just as she was about to hold the doorknob…

"Terra" Raven's dark aura escaped back inside her, revealing herself just inches in front of Terra's face. Terra's eyes filled with both fear and astonishment as the sorceress appeared out of thin air. She began retreating to her bed, nearly tripping as she looked with her mouth agape. Raven, seeing her reaction, reached her hand out with a concerned look. "Don't be afraid. I'm not here to hurt you."

* * *

**Author's Note:** So I got this done. Caroline Zemlya's kinda cliche I know (because Zemlya means "earth" in Russian), but I just stuck with the name, not really important anyway for a fake name.

Anyway, Sorry for the somewhat sloppy writing. I've been interrupted too much while I was writing this chapter and so my focus was getting bashed, running me short with most of my metaphors and details.

The reason why Raven seems a bit affected( if not really affected) by trying to "Bring her back" is because a part of her mind takes it as an entendre( two meanings). To BB, that means making Terra remember and putting things back the way they were, but for Rae, its being figuratively *like* Terra as if substituting her just to be with BB. So it kinda hurts for her because as BB said "Nobody can replace her" but meh, we'll see about that...

I do not own the song used here. The song used here is called "Remembering Sunday" by All Time Low. The part I used was the final stanza when the girl starts singing. Really nice song in my opinion, and the last bit seemed to relate to Terra in a way (She's not coming back, she's done something terrible, she wants to forget, she's no longer on the ground with her powers, she's freed herself by being thousands of feet of the ground etc.) Thats how I interpret it, well, if we put it that way.

Other than that, thank you for reading this chapter, fave/follow if you want to, please leave a review if you want, concrits are alright, aaandd flames no. See you guys soon


	4. Pasts

**Chapter Four: Pasts**

Terra stepped back further until she was edging at her bed. She looked at Raven like a ghost just revealed itself. The four-eyed demon that nearly killed her was right there, in front of her, and the mere look of Raven's face was enough to spark a rush of fear in Terra. She knew that behind that blank, anti-social girl's appearance was something she learned to fear: a daemoness.

"W-Who are you?" Terra said, but then she realized how useless it was to hide her identity at this moment. She sighed, that clearly was a stupid question now that Raven saw her powers. She sat on the bed. "It's useless now. You've caught me. I'm Terra." She said, looking down.

Raven moved and sat beside her. She didn't expect Terra to give up that easily, but then again she saw her powers. Raven gathered up words in her head. She wasn't exactly sure of what to say when she actually found Terra. It had to be short; it didn't have to be a speech. "Terra, Beast Boy misses you."

"Is that why you're here?" Terra said. Of course, that can't be it, and that sounded selfish. She couldn't give up her life here for one boy, and that reason itself sounded too simple. "For Beast Boy? And I thought everybody misses me…"

"Everybody does. It's Beast Boy who misses you the most." She meant it.

Terra sighed and thought of something to say. She had a convincing reason to return to the Tower. There were necessities, food, hero-duty, and friends who care for her. But there's still something holding her back, and that reason was far greater than the other.

"I can't go back, Raven." Terra said sadly as if memories rushed through her head.

"Why not:?" Raven said.

"I have to go back to Markovia." She said, looking even farther away. Markovia, Raven had heard of it. It was Terra's home, the one she left. She was a princess there, but then she escaped.

"What? Why?" Raven was definitely shocked. Terra was leaving and this kind of news to Beast Boy… it's going to be heartbreaking, she can already tell, this was going to be something too heavy for Beast Boy to bear.

"After I've been released from stone, I looked for the only agent my parent's had in Jump City, named Sergei Zemlya. I found him and he contacted my parents all the way back to Markovia." Terra paused, unsure if Beast Boy could take what she had to say next. "He took me in and my parents gave him money for my tuition fee so that I could study while my relatives back in Markovia make preparations. After my studies are done, I'll take a plane back home."

Raven couldn't take this news in, not because it was painful for _her_, but it was going to be painful for Beast Boy. She was afraid, afraid that Beast Boy will do something bad, something he couldn't forgive himself for. Terra was leaving and Raven knew she had to do something about Beast Boy. She had to console him.

"I took the moniker Caroline Zemlya to make sure that no one knows I'm royalty from Europe. It was for my safety and my privacy." Terra continued. "Till then, I have to say goodbye to all my old, wild style of life." She made a smile, a fake one.

"But Terra, we'll-"

"Raven, I'm no longer the girl you guys remembered. Beast Boy has to understand that." Terra's voice grew lower, it softened. "I want to start over, to go back where I left off. I want to forget all the bad things I've done, the things I've done for Slade." She looked at Raven, her look brought sympathy.

"There's been so much fear, pain, anger, frustration, and betrayal in the past. Even if you guys can forgive me, I couldn't forgive myself for that. I'm afraid that if I return, all I can see are faces of people I've tried to hurt, I've tried to kill. My mistakes brought all of this among you guys, so I wanted to let go of them and start a life that I've ran away from: the princess life." Terra said, her eyes reflecting that kind of pain back into Raven.

From what she said, Raven began to understand her bit by bit. Raven knew Terra deserved to live peacefully, away from her mistakes and guilt, but then again, away from her friends. She continued. "I'm sorry if I have to go. I want to be happy now, and I hope me trying to be happy doesn't make another sad. Tell Beast Boy that he deserves to be happy, even if it has to be without me."

Raven took every word in, and she knew that later on she'll have to spill this all to Beast Boy. She couldn't lie, she had to tell the truth to him, and this truth was something that will truly bring devastation to Beast Boy's heart. This was more than he could take, more than he could probably understand. Terra was leaving.

Raven sighed for a moment, thinking of everybody's reaction for a moment. "I'll tell Beast Boy about it." She said. Terra smiled and nodded at her.

"Raven…" Terra embraced her, her way of saying goodbye. "Thanks for everything. I don't know what could free me from stone, but I know only your powers could." She squeezed her even tighter.

"Umph… Terra, I'm sure it wasn't my pow- _ow_!" Terra tightened, almost constricting her. She let go, and Raven took a deep breath, like she had survived a bear attack.

"Raven, I knew it was your powers. I felt a wave of energy, and it felt like yours." Terra said, now with a smile.

_Wave of energy that could release people from stone…_ Raven remembered. When she defeated her demonic father, Trigon, a familiar wave of energy _did_ free everyone from stone. Terra must've been included. The pure power was strong enough to do so. "Well, I guess I did. You're welcome" Raven scratched her head. "Beast Boy's going to miss you, Terra."

"I'm going to miss him too. I'm gonna miss all of you guys." She smiled. "Tell them I said 'goodbye', alright?"

Raven nodded, a smile on her face. She was going to leave soon enough. End of classes is in two weeks, and realizing that, Raven thought it was already so near. Terra was a good friend. Raven understood why she wanted to start over. There was so much pain, betrayal, and regret, but not enough happiness. Terra felt like she had wronged herself and everybody around her, and the only she could possibly forgive is to forget. Raven respected that decision, but for a moment she hoped Beast Boy could too…

"Well, goodbye now, Terra." Raven stood up, preparing to leave.

"Raven, before you go…" Terra said, her voice mellowed once more. "I'm sorry for everything I said when I tried to kill you." She scratched her head nervously and made small fake laughs.

Raven smirked. She had already forgiven Terra for that. "Apology accepted." She nodded. Terra smiled back at her and just when she was about to wave goodbye…

Shouts were heard from the other side of the wall. Terra and Raven heard it. After the shouts, then came the breaking of wood. The two girls were silent. Suddenly, they heard the roar of gunfire, and after so, a scream of pain.

The doorframe flew to the wall, and a wounded figure landed hard on the floor. It was Sergei. He held a revolver on one hand and his body and face was full of bruises and bloody. He looked up to Terra, his eyes red. "Tara, get out of here!" He shouted with the last of his energy. He was dying.

Raven and Terra nearly jumped in shock, but then Terra ran towards her bodyguard's weak body. "Sergei, what's going on?" She said. Sergei gripped her shoulder, pushing his head, attempting to whisper into her ear. Blood had seeped from his mouth, and now his voice sounded wet and disturbing. "The Masked One… " He whispered. Terra's eyes filled with even greater fear. She took a step back.

"Terra! What's going on?!" Raven shouted, her hands now glowing with her dark energy. She assumed battle stance, ready for anything.

From the door, sauntered the psychotic villain. His dark slick armor showed off his tall muscular figure, and his belt was lined with different pockets carrying different armaments. But he had no face, he only had an iron mask, a mask with one gazing eye piece. One side of the mask was brown and the other black, like a part of his face was shadowed to hide him. Three rectangular breathing pieces line the bottom of the mask, but then it showed no mouth. His eye squinted at Raven, a look that brought true fear to this ominous villain.

"Hello, Terra." His eye shifted to Terra, the mere position of the eye made anyone feel like he's smiling. "It's been a long time." His fists clenched. He looked at Sergei.

"Sorry for your bodyguard here. I wanted a painless death for him, but he insisted on dying slowly." He kicked the revolver off his hand, and gave Sergei's chest a good kick with his iron-tipped boot. The sound of cracking bone popped in the room, along with Sergei's blood-curdling shout. "Such a shame, he put up a good fight, but unfortunately, I fought Spetsnaz back in my day. And many of them died."

"Slade" Terra said, her face melting down to fear.

Raven's fight-or-flight senses kicked in her. Slade was here, and the only way to fight him is to be fast. She grabbed Terra from the back and engulfed her in dark energy that could transport her. Unluckily, Slade was quick enough to grab Terra's ankle before her whole body went into the darkness.

"You're not going anywhere, Terra. Not when there's a fifteen million dollar bounty on your life!" Slade shouted. Raven shot another dark blast of energy towards Slade, loosening his grip and allowing their escape. The portal Raven casted traveled into the walls and crept down the apartment.

They reappeared on the street. Terra threw herself out of the portal and Raven emerged after. They looked up and saw a grappling hook swing down. It narrowly missed Terra's head as it latched itself to the wall. Slade then appeared out of the window, sliding down the rope. He was fast as he was deadly.

Raven had to keep Terra safe. Slade was going to kill Terra for a bounty. "Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos!" She chanted. Her eyes glowed white and an aura the shape of a raven swallowed Terra inside its body. The summoned bird flew away, taking Terra and Raven to the skies. Slade landed on the concrete, and watched the dark raven soar back to the Titan's Tower. His only eye glared at them, but then, in his mask, he smiled. He was going to play another game with the Titans.

* * *

**Author's Note**: Yep, here comes Slade working as an assassin. You'll know who hired him soon.

I originally planned on Terra leaving to just put Raven and BB together, but after that I ran out of good ideas. So I placed Slade in here because I found more ways of letting the story go on and make more conflict.

Anyway, here are some reviewer responses that I've made to the most notable reviews that I'd been wanting to write back to:

Anna: Aah... Thanks for taking the time to write that :). So yeah, I did read the comics before I went on with chapter 3 because I needed to get more info on Terra beforehand. I set the name Caroline on purpose, well, for reasons stated up there on this chapter. And BB's mistake of not moving on is what drives the story, along with Raven's care. He's still young though, and the young tend to be confused and make silly mistakes that end up being serious problems. As for Raven, I believe she's mostly an introvert so it's unlikely she'd be hooking up any time soon, so I'd have to stick with what we have right now. Don't worry though, more jealousy comes next chap. Again, thank you for the well-thought review :).

Jus Sum Dude: Duddeee... finally, quite an honest concrit. I agree, my redundancy is one big problem in my writing style, mainly because my vocabulary still isn't fit enough. I'm not fully experienced in writing and I've already noticed that mistake back in my novice days , and it's a mistake I've been trying to fix. The thoughts placed in the Author's Note is my decision, but I agree, I should not touch the reader's perspective. It's sloppy, forgive me, my concentration gets interrupted too many times when I write, but that's no good excuse. Anyways, thank you for taking the time to write that review, it's appreciated that my mistakes were pointed out in an acceptable tone :)

Almost forgot, thanks for reading this chapter, please leave a review if you want, fave or follow depends on you guys, concrits are alright and flames unappreciated. See you guys soon.


	5. Distance

**Chapter Five: Distance**

The ethereal bird of prey soared high above the city. It casted no shadow as the afternoon sun shone bright, for the form itself was the shadow incarnate. Its wings of pure energy brought swiftness that of a falcon and Terra remained silent inside Raven's transport. She was inside darkness, a cold black place with not even Raven to talk to. But she knew well where Raven was taking her: to the safest place in the city, where the young heroes rested and awaited action.

The Titan's Tower rose high on a rocky, lonely island. The structure was shaped like a "T", reinforced properly with steel and hard concrete. From its glass windows, the heroes overlooked the city with its justice and safety. The sky was cloudless with a blue canvas, and so was the water and reflective glass of the tower, painted by the same color. On the roof, you could see the Raven's dark aureate form fly like an abnormally large eagle approaching the Tower.

It landed on the rooftop.

The ethereal raven stretched its wings out, and from it, emerged Terra. Her face was almost pale from both Slade and the silent dimension she had just been in. The dark aura crept back inside Raven, revealing her true human form.

Raven saw Terra's moment of catching a breath. She knew well that her powers weren't exactly made for comfort. "The inside of my powers isn't really a good place to be in…" Raven said, watching Terra get back on her feet.

"Tell me about it" Terra said. "Now that's a reason why I use rocks for flying…" She smiled.

Terra looked around, she expected to be here, but she couldn't help but notice the familiarity of the place. It's been so long since she's been here, on its roof, and when Terra left this place, she wanted to look back. She walked the place one last time with Beast Boy not long ago, but she didn't walk as Terra, she walked it as Caroline. Now here she was once again, breathing in a lungful of the moist bay air.

"Titan's Tower…" Terra said.

"You're going to be safe here" Raven said, moving towards Terra. "Slade has never been in the tower itself…"

The mention of Slade brought unwanted memories to Terra. "But his robots have been before…"

Raven placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Terra, Slade is after you now and not once did he ever hacked Cyborg's security without help. You'll be safe." Her blank voice would have sound annoyed, but then her hand made sure that she meant safety for Terra.

Raven went forward, leaving Terra, heading to the elevator. "The team will be really glad to see you again." Raven gestured Terra to come with her.

The rooftop was rather spacious, and the elevator was on the other side, giving the two some time to talk. Terra seemed troubled still, even after escaping Slade, but Raven didn't confront her about it, she had already seen many with the same looks that had almost tasted death. But that's not what was on Terra's mind.

"Raven, can I ask you to do something?" She asked, breaking the silence.

"Go ahead" Raven said as she walked, turning her head to anticipate what Terra was about to say.

Terra wasn't sure if she wanted this favor. It felt like it was going to hurt somehow. But then she continued anyway. "I don't want anyone knowing about me leaving for Markovia yet." Terra said, her tone waning.

"You don't have to go to Markovia, not just yet, Slade's still after you"

"I know, but I can't stay here. I have to go home sooner or later, and I want them all to know before I go." Terra looked down on her feet, remembering Beast Boy.

"I'm not sure if you can hide that. Robin will probably just ask Cyborg to bring you to Markovia on the T-Ship." Raven and Terra ended up in front of the elevator. Raven pressed the button and waited.

"How'd you know?" Terra said, now looking to Raven. The elevator arrived and the doors opened sideways, revealing a convenient robot-fashioned elevator room.

"Let's just say Robin's been our leader long enough for me to know his pattern." They both entered the elevator. Raven pressed the button for the Main Ops room.

"I've worked long enough to know Slade's pattern" Terra said, the one-eye still haunting the darkest reaches of her past.

"If you still do, what do you think Slade will do next?" Raven asked, careful not to touch anything sensitive by putting more light on Slade.

Terra thought for a moment. She knew the psychopath during her time training with him. Terra was Slade's pupil, and as so, she was taught the many ways an evil master could teach his ambitious apprentice. Though Terra had tried to forget, she would look back, and still remember the many acts of deception, villainy, and tactics her old master had taught him. It was no longer of worth and remembering only brought anger, but at times, guilt.

* * *

_A few days after Terra fully accepted Slade. Months before her betrayal._

It was night by the time and the woods on the outskirts of Jump City were silent, save for a few crickets sounding their calls. Woods emerged like pillars from the ground, almost tightly packed, giving space for three men to cross through gaps between them. Besides the dark, tall pines, the bushes and undergrowth were creeping down on this forest's floor.

Not many would come here for camping, but for Slade, he knew one good clearing of at this forest where had come to practice. The silence was broken with Terra shouting as rocks hurled and flew in different directions.

Terra was sweating and breathing. Her hands were both raised and they glowed bright with the strong aura that controlled the earth and all its stones. Three boulders even larger than her flew around her in a fixed pattern. They spun around Terra with her at the center of this circle. Finally, she let out one scream as her own control on her powers could take no more.

The ground rumbled and cracked around Terra. Yellow aura shined forth from the fissures. The boulders dropped and the fissures ceased to continue. The yellow aura was gone as her power faded and Terra fell on her knees, catching her breath.

"Excellent, Terra" Terra looked at Slade, sitting by a large rock surrounded with their equipment and lighted upon by a lantern. "You have showed the potential of your power and you are growing more… familiar with them." His rather nonchalant tone begged to sound like a compliment.

Slade stood up and walked towards the girl. "You may rest for awhile."

"Gee… Thanks" Terra pulled herself up and walked to the rock where Slade sat on. She almost threw her tired body as she laid her back on the stone. Slade followed her and sat at the top of this rock. Terra had taken a water bottle from her own bag and began drinking, Slade watched her, unnoticed as he was thinking of their next lesson.

"Now, Terra, you must know that your power is just another weapon that you possess" Slade said. "There are more weapons that I can see in you."

Terra finished drinking. "Like what?" She placed the bottle back in her bag. She shifted her body to lay back more comfortable at the rock behind her and looked at Slade. "I know that my power is my only weapon…" Terra looked to the single eye-piece of Slade.

"No, Terra, you have more than one weapon." Slade pointed at her forehead, the fingertip touching her smooth skin. "The mind." He then pulled his finger away. "With mere intelligence, you could defeat the Titans by yourself, but of course, it is much easier with… help."

Terra felt unsure. It was a good weapon but her intelligence was no more than an average one. "I'm not really a brainstormer…"

"Do not question your intelligence, Terra, it is only laziness that pulls back the potential mind, but here, you have discipline and I can help you think with strategy…" Slade got off the rock and stood in front of her. "You cannot defeat all the Titans at once, even I'm certain I can't do that."

Slade sat down on the ground and took the nearest twig and began drawing in front of the dry ground in front of Terra. His drawing was dimly lighted by the lantern light, but Terra could still recognize what he was drawing.

"There are five Titans, Terra" He drew five circles tightly packed together. "And this is you." He drew one circle, noticeably larger than the rest. This circle stood in front of them. "If you attack all by yourself and attack them all at once, this will happen…"

Slade erased the other five and drew five around the large circle. "You will be attacked from all sides and you won't be able to initiate a tactical retreat or fight back."

Terra didn't like that scene. Being hit by Starfire's energized starbolts, shocked by Cyborg's sound beam, bashed with Robin's quarterstaff, slashed by Raven's black magic, and crushed by Beast Boy in a rhino form. It was hard to imagine them attacking her, but with what Slade drew, she was able to picture it.

"But…." He erased all the circles and drew two pairs of circles on opposite sides and one circle on the very top. "If you divide and conquer, trap each of them, disconnect them…" He drew large circles on near each pair and one near the lone small circle. The size of the circle was enough for it to outsize even the pairs. "You gain an advantage" Slade said.

"And..." Slade drew large circles beside the existing ones. "If we do this together, we will overwhelm them... one by one" Slade finished. He then drew "X"s on the pairs and on the last circle, marking the elimination of each Titan.

Slade made sense to Terra. _Divide and conquer_ Terra thought. It was the first strategy she learned from Slade and the most effective one. Terra remembered, it was the tactic they used to defeat the Titans all at once.

"Remember, Terra, use your cunning and unpredictability. But if one of them is ever to outwit you or predict you, then your own defense is at risk… Chase down this effective adversary and trap him then eliminate him and your victory is once again assured."

It was the last of the words she remembered that night when she learned her first tactical lessons. It was hard to look back to. Slade taught her more than enough after that night and it was from there that Terra learned to respect him…

* * *

She remembered that time. How the villain had taught her how to think like him, and now she had a vague idea how Slade will deal with her.

"He's going to trap me in here." She said. "I don't know how but he's going to find a way."

Raven did not like the effect of the scar Slade had left on Terra's mind. It was deep enough for Terra to fear him and long enough for her to know where he's going to hit next. "He's never compromised the Tower's security all by himself."

"I hope he doesn't find out how." Terra said.

"He won't, and if he does, we'll stop him and put him in jail for the rest of his life." Raven assured her.

That didn't give her any sense of security still. Slade can do so much with his mind. He was evil, yes, but his mind was by all means intelligent and strategic. He must've had a reason why he let Terra shut off the Titan's security before, but for whatever purpose, Terra knew that Slade had the power to launch a direct assault to this place or sneak past alone to abduct her. It made her feel uneasy.

"I… I hope so.". The elevator doors opened and from there was a passage leading to the Main Ops. They stepped out and continued on to the common room being the Main Ops.

"Duuudee! How did you do that move?!" Beast Boy's voice could be heard even as they approached the Main Ops room. Playing video games again, Raven expected.

The two girls stood by the passageway, watching the two play against each other. The screen flashed with different fighters punching and grappling each other in complex yet lethal moves. Beast Boy's hands and fingers were on fire while Cyborg's seemed relaxed and timed.

"What?! Come on give me a chance!" Beast Boy said.

"Nah uh! You didn't give me a chance when we played SuperRacer 4000." Cyborg laughed. "Gotcha!" Cyborg then defeated him. Beast Boy now fumed with childish frustration.

"Rematch!" He said, finger pointed to Cyborg. "I wasn't using my favorite character!"

"Alright, Beast Boy, but I'm warning you, you're only gonna get your butt kicked the second time!"

Terra smiled and moved forward. Raven watched her, wondering what she was about to do.

Terra leaned on the backrest of the couch, her head just behind Beast Boy's and Cyborg's. "So, um, what are you guys doing?" She asked with innocence.

"Playing Shinigami Fighter 4." They answered, their eyes glued back to the screen. Terra wanted to giggle, but then she went on.

"I'm going to kick Cyborg's butt this time" Beast Boy declared, his fingers continuing to rapidly tap different buttons on the controller.

"Not if I don't do anything about it" Cyborg pressed a few buttons. "Boom! Booyah!"

"Heeeyyy! I told you not to use that move!"

"I didn't say no" Cyborg teased in a sing-song voice. "Besides, Terra always kicked your butt with it. Didn't see why not to use it."

"Yeah, I did, Beast Boy always used to tell me how that move was a cheat move." Terra smiled, going on with her game. She couldn't believe how these two were completely oblivious.

"It is a cheat move! I mean I did four moves at once and all you did was that one move!" From his voice, he didn't sound so serious yet he still complained like a child whenever he was defeated while playing video games that he named himself a master of.

"And after that you almost cried and I had to stop laughing all night" Terra remembered that moment, and once it dared to make her tear and cry, but now it was pushing her to giggle. She was just right there, but these two were stuck in this hypnotic addiction to this game.

"Dude! You almost cried when you lost to Terra!?" Cyborg almost laughed, but then the mention of the name shifted his concentration to the woman behind him and Beast Boy.

"Wait… Terra?" Beast Boy came to his senses. He dropped the controller, stood up and turned around, taking a few seconds to catch his breath. "T-Terra!" He said in joy, seeing the one girl. He jumped forward to hug her, but his foot had hit the tip of the backrest, causing him to trip right in front of Terra.

Terra giggled at the sight of the green boy down on the floor. Beast Boy got on his feet and smiled nervously at her as he scratched his head with a barring smile and a flushed expression. His oblivious gamer face was suddenly contorted into a happy yet embarrassed look.

Raven just stood there by the passageway, leaning on the wall with a smirk. She watched as Cyborg began greeting Terra loudly as well as Beast Boy; both welcoming her back. Cyborg had given Terra a hug for a warm greeting, but Beast Boy was accidentally caught in the android's metal arms as well, and what Raven saw was Cyborg holding a couple of a shape-shifter and a geokinetic girl, both blushing at each other as they realized that they were both caught in an embrace.

Jealousy. It sparked in her like a tiny fire daring to burn even stronger. Raven's emotions were intruded and her resistance had slipped. She looked back at the two caught in a squeezing robot hug, and someone, _something_, inside her loathed the very sight of Terra anywhere near Beast Boy.

Her smirk melted as she brought herself up upon her own mind. Her face grew blank and almost pale from what ran in her head. The smiles that Terra was sharing with Beast Boy annoyed her somehow. This bout of jealousy had become a voice, speaking unto Raven.

_Are you seeing this clearly enough?_ It spoke to her with a loathing tone of anger. Raven heard this voice in her head and quickly turned to another passage to head for her room.

_Why are you walking away? _It continued on. _You know, you should begin to express yourself more often. _

The voice was irritating her even as she walked back to her room. "Shut up…" Raven whispered.

_You can't shut me up. I'm you. _The voice said like it had a mind of its own. _So listen to me, 'Raven'._

The door to her room opened and the sight of her own room gave her a sense of isolation and peace. The first thing Raven did was walk back to her bed to meditate and silence the damned voice.

_Oh, so you're going to really shut me up again. Put yourself back into that silent, blank, emotionless girl you always were. _The voice mocked to Raven. Raven knew the importance of self-control and inner peace but this thing was definitely invading both of them. Knowing that this thing was herself literally mocking herself was an insult to her years of meditating self-peace and self-focus.

Raven got up her bed, crossed her legs, and closed her eyes, imagining silence and peace, bringing her concentration in an attempt to put the unwanted emotion back in Nevermore.

_I'm not going back yet, not just now. Don't meditate just yet, Raven, I have to tell you what's going on back in your head. _The voice's annoying sound turned to a tone of urgency. It was bringing her a message.

Raven was listening to herself, literally. Emotion was something that she seen as manipulative and unnecessary. Simple human aspects that had caused drama and war, corrupted self-control, and made one trapped in his own mind. These were emotions and they were nothing but examples of human chaos, and as a result, a reckless catalyst or a suppressor for her powers.

But then she looked back to all the strange new feelings that whirled around her head when she encountered Beast Boy that night. She thought of it, and she swore, she saw a picture of herself smiling in delight in her mind as the moment occurred to her. That Raven she saw, it was not her.

_This… Beast Boy and Terra thing, it's not supposed to happen, and you know it. _The voice said. _Your emotion, you know, all of us locked up in that mirror of yours, are separated from you, the way you want it. But for once, please, listen to me._

The voice asking Raven to listen to her was clearly the emotion trying to manipulate her, and she knew well. "I won't listen to you, Jealousy, get off my mind."

_Fine… I won't force you, but listen. Can you trust Terra? Can you bear seeing her replace you in the arms of Beast Boy? What has she done for him? Nothing. Only betrayal. You can do better than this Raven. You can see him more than just a friend, but you're stopping it._

A small part of her told her that what Jealousy said was true, like it sounded like an undeniable fact, but then with her unmatched mental self-control, Raven could sort her feelings out to push out such unneeded thing.

Raven felt convinced, and so she allowed herself to give this voice a moment. She listened in silence, allowing hearing out this voice in curiosity.

_Beast Boy is yours. Didn't it feel good that night to talk to him? To feel him? Didn't you feel somehow… complete when you were together? But look at what you felt when you caught sight of that blonde together with Beast Boy… it felt like you were being torn apart…Why keep pushing out what's meant to be? _

_You've lived like this all your life, Raven, and you've never listened to what you feel. You see emotion like it's going to destroy you. That's what the Monks of Azarath taught you, but they never embraced such aspect, and so it fights back. If you allow yourself to feel it and embrace it, I promise, we will leave your powers untouched. Listen to me…_

* * *

_About two years ago, before Raven had arrived to Jump City. _

Twelve years-old by the time, Raven remembered what the monks taught her in Azarath. She lived in the only temple of that floating city and the Monks of Azarath had cared for her to help her fulfill her now deterred destiny of destroying the world. Her powers were volatile Raven knew that. She would practice at the training yard as many monks watched furies of black and white fly towards targets, observing how much self-control was in her.

Monk Veaseroth, Raven remembered. He was not a High Monk, an administrator of the temple, or a sworn guardian of it, but he was a mere old acolyte. She remembered how they would walk the dark, torch-lit, ancient halls of the temple whenever her day was over and he would tell her of stories and news that the other monks would brand as "Unneeded Knowledge".

Jealousy spoke of embracing her emotions, but it reminded her of one night when Monk Vaeseroth told her of other monks and other ways to control her powers. Raven had listened intently on her small bed that night when Monk Vaeseroth sat down by the nearest ornately decorated chair and told Raven that he was going to share some of the "Forbidden Knowledge".

She looked back to that memory, almost vividly like a dream .He was dressed in light blue robes as the acolytes were dressed, very light compared to the High Monks who wore dark blue that looked black in the shadows. His hood was always up, just like all the other monks, and Raven always wondered how Vaeseroth looked like. It was a custom that Raven hated since it reminded her that when the time comes, she will only remember shadowed, hooded faces and different voices marking different identities.

But even with the hood, his voice was the sound that Raven would hear the most in her days. She lay in her blanket, listening to what the monk would tell her. At times it was a simple story that even the High Monks banned, other times it was advice whenever she would seem to unfocused in meditation or too impulsive, and rarely, pieces of information from the outside world. Right now, he spoke of forbidden knowledge that Raven needed to know, something that he had never done before.

His shadowed face, calm posture, and silence as he sat on the only chair in her room never scared Raven. He was old, but his raspy voice spoke in the tone of youth, like he was going to live forever.

"Raven, listen to me, for you will need this advice when you set out to fulfill your destiny." Vaeseroth spoke not in his usual storytelling or conversationalist voice, but he spoke of urgency, he spoke as if it he was leaving tomorrow.

Raven nodded quietly at him, not fond of speaking during those years. And so she listened, but then she wondered why he sounded different, but then she saw a smile past the shadow of his hood, even through the torch-lit shadow of her room. Raven felt a bit of relief when she noticed the smile. It told her that he was going to talk to her in a voice that she cared to hear.

"Be really quiet about this, Raven, for what I'm going to share is something the High Monks deemed important, but just didn't want you to know" Vaeseroth's voice lowered. "Forbidden Knowledge…"

Raven felt a rush of excitement, but then she hid it in a small expression of fear. Forbidden knowledge was by all means not spoken towards anyone except a High Monk. It was knowledge that was known to corrupt the purity of Azarathian practice if spread through the weaker, more vulnerable minds of other monks.

"So listen carefully, if you don't want to be in the same position of your father…" The monk said. Raven nodded again, thinking that he needed a reply to continue on. "The monks are plotting against you, Raven. You must know this."

Fear, it had gone into her, and it made her listen more intently. "W-Why so?" Raven said, her small childish voice ruined with fright.

"They want you to be just like Trigon. I'm going to help you, Raven, by sharing what I know and what I've eavesdropped." The acolyte was old and wise, and Raven knew that in his judgment, telling her of this knowledge was the right thing to do. It was one thing that made Vaeseroth different from the other monks, his rightful wisdom. She could trust him.

Her mother once told her that Vaeseroth was once a High Monk, but then was casted down to an acolyte instead of suffering execution. She never asked Vaeseroth about his time as a High Monk or even asked about how he ended up being an acolyte, but Raven preferred not to. He had his secrets, and no matter how close he may seem to Raven, she never touched them.

The sound of Trigon's name sparked even more fear inside Raven, but the monk's flowing raspy voice somehow comforted her.

"You've lived your life here with the Monks of Azarath for a long time, Raven, but this is Forbidden Knowledge that you must know."

"There are three types of monks : the Monks of Azarath, the ones who focus on peace, patience, tranquility, and self-control. The control of emotion is what binds them to their powers, but in the process, they must completely repel such emotion. This is where your mother wanted you to be, and your training here is well, but you must remember, there are still others" The monk said.

"Then there are the Monks of Cazvah, the monks who control their powers by pure will. They do not require training, only discipline that guides them out of corruption. It is willpower and birthright to their powers that grants them control. The downside of them though, is that the monks are born into such cult, not initiated. Not everyone is gifted with a willpower of steel, remember this Raven."

"Lastly, the ones who reside in Earth, the Monks of Trigon." His voice grew dark and bitter with the mere mention of these monks. "They feed on emotion, especially on rage and misery, such power is entirely based on emotion. They _embrace_ these emotions and use it to channel all of the power inside them."

"There is no self-control, chaos is what they use for their powers, and in turn, they become insane and it needs another soul to pull them out of such state. The impatient of Azarath find their place in their ranks and the corrupted of Cazvah as well. These monks follow your lord father, and sadly… this cult was where your mother had wind up to during her early days."

Raven never liked speaking of her mother. One thing was for sure though, her father never loved her mother, and perhaps it was history that was not meant to be heard. "Mother?"

"Yes, Raven, but let us not speak of her grim history. What you must know, Raven, is that the Monks of Azarath's power only stays here in Azarath, once you are sent back to Earth, none of them will look back to you. You will be alone to fend for yourself. Understand though, you can always return when needs be, but you cannot stay as one of us. Your destiny stays on Earth, understood?"

Raven nodded once again.

"Good. Raven, you must know," He repeated again. "We have taught you all we could in the ways of peace and inner tranquility, and you must never let go of them. Emotion is dangerous, Raven, and even if it may feel good, you must learn, by every way possible, to control it. The Monks of Trigon's ways are easy to learn and if you let one small emotion come past your concentration and intrude your inner focus, you must confront it until such emotion is at ease."

Raven didn't like what Vaeseroth was telling him. It made her feel somehow nervous to know of such knowledge. "Wait, you said that the monks are plotting against me?"

"Yes, they are. The High Monks will send you to an agent of the Monks of Trigon once you are sent to Earth. He will teach you new ways, allure you to power, and allow your emotion to release. Our authority lies here and we cannot stop your father from manipulating you in any way."

His voice grew grimmer, a sound that Raven has never heard from him. The shadow behind his hood spat a glare and he slowly leaned forward to the child. "I'm telling you now Raven" His voice discreet.

"Once you arrive on Earth, do not linger in the same place. You must hide and follow only the ways of Azarathian monks. The energy signal made by your transport can be sensed by your father, and he will surely tell his agents of your location. You must outrun them before they arrive, and you will be safe."

"Your power has the corruption of your father, and if it is exposed to his vile ways, you will destroy anything in sight before your destiny is fulfilled. And maybe our authority here only lies in Azarath, but I will give you an object to help you." Vaeseroth raised his left hand. It was in a fist at first, but then a purple glow unleashed as soon as he opened it. From the air just above his palm, an object took form like strings coming from empty space to weave a certain object.

It took form and Raven watched in awe. The magic of the Azarathian monks always amazed her, and she had tried when she was alone for her own powers to imitate theirs. The purple and violet glow, and the sound of air howling as the aura manifested made her feel the very might of this power.

The object's strings were closing in and Raven finally recognized it. It was a hand mirror, its base decorated in marble Azarathian curves and arches, and the handle had a fine grey leather strip wrapping it. The glass was unremarkable; it may have looked like any other mirror in Azarath, but the glass seemed to be so tranquil and fine, like it did not reflect appearance, but it reflected the mind.

The magic halted and the mirror landed just on the hand of Vaeseroth. He handed the mirror to Raven and the child picked it up, an eyebrow raised.

"This will help you contain your emotions as much as possible. Thankfully you'll just have to meditate twice a day instead of five times a day." The old man laughed, warding off the bitterness in his voice.

Raven looked into the glass. She could see herself, but then the more she looked, she knew that the mirror shown more than just mere appearance. Looking into this mirror, she felt clear, but seemingly like a price, she felt blank.

"The more you look, the more emotion is siphoned by this mirror. The magic of that mirror is strong and it is made by Cazvah Monks, a pure example of willpower driving out all emotion. Their magic will hold all emotion, and so what's left will only be willpower and self-control. Be wary though, do not break the glass, and mind you, this mirror has capacity, you must've mastered your emotions once it has reached its capacity, which is about years or so in the future."

Raven nodded and looked away from the mirror. She wondered why Vaeseroth was doing this for her. Why this old man was helping her in every way he could. She looked back onto the man, wondering. "Why are you doing this?"

Vaeseroth sighed and stood up from his chair. He turned his body to the door, but then his head was turned to continue speaking. "I do not want you to be just like your father, Rachel*. Chaos is a demon's aspect, while self-control is a human's. You will need as much as you can if you want to stay human."

The sound of her own name… How could this old man know? Only her mother had ever called her that, but then this monk had just uttered it. "So is this a warning?" Raven said.

Vaeseroth faced her, and for a time, Raven could see another smile past the shadow of his hood. "No, this is a farewell, I have helped you long enough in the ways of Azarath. But know this, Rachel, no one can live on self-control alone and it is merely a decision to discipline one's spirit to do so, but in order to fight your father's influence, you have to do this, but self-control alone is nothing. Use your willpower and this fight will be a less bloody one on your side." Vaeseroth said. "I know you have the willpower. I am certain."

"But what if my father is gone?" A hope that Raven only dreamed of. Her father's existence was one reason why she needed the training of the Monks of Azarath.

"Such hope, but even if I'm unsure of that, the fight will no longer be towards your father, but towards yourself." Vaeseroth said. "Don't embrace your emotion, Raven, or your sanity and power will be at stake. Let one emotion slip past you, and you are at risk."

Raven did not like the sound of that. "What if that happens?"

"Release them until they are silenced. Do not use your powers to do so, that is how the Trigon Monks use them. Let them flow through what they are focused at. Use your willpower to channel them. There will be no peace if you force them into chaos. Channel them and let them flow easily."

"How?" Raven wanted to know; she needed to be sure of it.

"You will find out. Everyone has their own way of doing so, and you will have yours." Vaeseroth walked and turned the knob of the door.

"Acolyte Vaeseroth…" Raven said just as he opened the door, allowing more torchlight in. Her voice made the robed old man stop. From how Vaeseroth sounded like, it needed a goodbye."Thank you… and farewell."

Vaeseroth looked back. "Farewell, child, and be good."

He exited without another word. The door's wood creaked and it shut as Vaeseroth left. Raven was left in silence and she used this quiet time to contemplate on what Vaeseroth said. He cared for her, and it became obvious, but the man was very strange.

The only history Raven knew about Vaeseroth is how he used to be High Monk. She never asked for more information as the monk never mentioned any of his own personal history whenever she talked to Raven. She was a cautious girl and it was wrong to ask for things he left unmentioned. But then, Raven wished she knew Vaeseroth better.

He was her adviser whenever she needed help, and most of the time as they talked, Raven would spot glares from the other monks, clearly unnoticed (or ignored) by Vaeseroth. But whatever he may seem, Vaeseroth was her personal teacher and he taught her more than just self-control.

He would sit beside her when she meditated, teach her the nature of her powers, give her advice, read books with her, and share her stories that always entertained her. Vaeseroth was more than an acolyte it seemed, and Raven didn't like the sound of him tonight, and how he walked out the door, it felt like he was not going to return.

Raven didn't get a good sleep that night, and she remembered well, that the day after that night was never the same. Vaeseroth was gone and she never asked of him to any monk, knowing their attitude towards him. That day, she was alone when she meditated.

Time came when she received news of a pretender monk caught inside Azarath and was to be sent to Trigon's dimension to be sacrificed. The ritualistic execution was to be held at public. Raven's early meditation session was going to end by the time the execution started.

By the time she heard of it, it was too late. Raven flew as fast as she can to where Azarath executed criminals in a macabre ritual. When she arrived, all that was left was the throng leaving, the monks stepping down the decorated ivory stage, and a small heap of torn light blue robes in one of the High Monk's hands. It was too late. She returned to the temple with a heavy heart.

Raven cried for the first time that day, but the tears flowed back. '_Do not let your emotions take over'_ It was what everyone, even Vaeseroth, taught her. And so the tears dried and she only meditated, the sadness forever locked away in the mirror he gave.

_Willpower…_ When Vaeseroth mentioned it, Raven knew she wasn't born with it, but then again, Vaeseroth said that she had it in her, like he sensed it. It was then Raven realized that Vaeseroth was not Azarath, he was Cazvah.

* * *

Raven could no longer bear the words of Jealousy, and thus, she shouted in her room. "Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos!" The chant rang the last of its letters and it echoed away as fast as Jealousy disappeared. The voice was gone.

Finally, there was true silence. Raven felt relief and the normal feeling of her bedroom, the quiet and isolation, was back to her. She continued to meditate and her concentration was uninterrupted as it should be. Her eyes were no longer wrinkle in an effort to focus, and her whole posture was more relaxed than it was when the voice was around. Sequenced deep breaths sounded in the room and Raven's levitating body bobbed slowly. The memory of Vaeseroth's words soothed her and helped her contemplate.

She thought of what Jealousy said, and she tried not to be convinced. It was Jealousy who wanted Beast Boy, not Raven, but she knew that Jealousy, even though it was manifested as something different from her, was still a part of herself. It was linking together in her mind. Jealousy had given Raven a message from the personality that she locked away to control her powers.

These shivers and blushes here and there when she talked to Beast Boy were making sense all of a sudden. Her emotions were drawn to a certain person and, in Raven's mind, it was dangerous. She realized the hazard of letting her powers loose or losing them just because of these out-of-place feelings.

Raven cannot embrace the power, she knew well that she shouldn't. But then she remembered… _Let one emotion slip past you, and you are at risk… _And indeed, she was, and Raven did not know how to channel them smoothly.

Raven knew she had to do something to stop this before it gets any worse. Going out there to see Terra and Beast Boy together will just place that voice back in her head

And she feared that, even though no matter how strong her self-control was, she will be manipulated by her emotions. Worst of all, she feared what she might do in the name of these feelings racing in her head. Raven could not control them, and releasing them through her power will only incur the bloodlust of the Monks of Trigon in her.

It didn't feel like herself, she would think. But these personalities, they were the _Raven_ that might've been if not for the dark curse she called her "powers". It was her, and maybe, just maybe, she felt like herself when she was with Beast Boy. Perhaps this boy was… something more.

_No! Self-control… Willpower… I must control them. I shouldn't feel like this, no. This what they want me to feel_ Raven thought. The wrinkles on her face returned as she tried to focus. _Azarath Metrion Zinthos_ she thought in unison to her voice, trying to keep these emotions out until they're completely repelled by a session's worth of meditating.

But the thoughts did not stop and Raven felt trapped. Meditation will only bring her back to her emotionless state, then when she gets out of her room, she might see the two being together again, bringing up that stupid Voice. The realization broke her state of mind. The emotions went loose.

_There is no escape, what's the use of meditating?_ The same voice returned. Raven could hear a smile past her tone. _Now that meditating is useless, why not listen?_

Raven said the incantation even louder, hoping that forcing it will ward it off, but it only made the voice laugh. Even quicker, she chanted, but it did not stop.

_Admit it. He's making you crazy_ A second emotion emerged. Passion.

_Come on! Get out there and be brave enough! Tell em' what you feel! _Bravery urged.

_He won't accept you… Nobody does… _Timidity mellowed.

More voices came, different emotions, all whispering into her too cacophonously for Raven to identify each of them. Raven's body fell back on the bed. The sound of all this whispering in a room that she went for silence edged her to be insane. She gripped her head as these voices spoke on and on. Then finally, she caught one thought that brought her full attention.

_He's better off without the girl. Give her to Slade! _An angered, growling emotion said. It was Rage, the influence of her father Trigon manifest.

Black and white aura seeped from her hands. Her head was being pounded with every syllable these voices were uttering. They went on, like artillery in her mind, and then, like a point of breaking…

"_NO!_" She screamed.

But the voices did not stop.

* * *

**Author's Note:** *Raven's real first name.

So uh, it's been a long time. Sorry for such a long time gap. I had some writer's block and I had to go on a vacation trip, so I almost forgot how to write. And uh, yeah, sorry if there's any other mistake that I made while writing.

Well, lately I was straying off the "emotion" theme of this story and I noticed that it was kinda starting revolve around Terra, so I had to wait for an idea to come by. And _maaaaannn, _this a long chapter. By the time I got off my block, the plot just built itself and I had to write it all. Yeah, sorry for the length if it's uncomfortable._  
_

Ok, enough with apologies. Thanks for reading this chapter, please leave a review if you want, fave or follow if it suits you, concrits are alright, flames nope. See ya guys soon.


	6. A New Path

**Chapter Six: A New Path**

Knocks on the door. "Raven?" It's Robin. She looks at the door, teeth gritting and eyes closed in pain. _Not now, not now, not now..._ She thought amidst the whispers and shouts ravaging her mind. Consciousness was difficult and talking even more tedious. Concise, it has to be, or Robin will detect the pain in her sound.

_Talk talk talk... Come on... Talk... Anything anything, say that you're okay. Come on, say something. SAY SOMETHING, RAVEN! NOTHING'S WRONG, YES, SAY IT! YOU'RE FINE, OF COURSE YOU ARE. SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY IT SAY IT SAY IT!_

"Um, uh, nothing's wrong, Robin! Something just... just... Fell down!"

"Do you need help?" A momentary pause. "Why is the door locked? Raven? Thing's okay there?"

"It's nothing! Go on to the Ops room! Uh... Terra's here!" The very vibration of her voice was an effort her whole body had to work with. The voices, the voices... They don't stop, they do not want to stop. Emotion effusing, like blood out of a fresh wound. From a minor annoyance, to a disaster, to a catastrophe. Something's not right; nothing was right. Anger yelling, Sorrow weeping, Joy chattering, and Rage screaming, and a myriad others speaking in a cacophonous mash of her own voices.

"Terra? _The _Terra?"

"Yes!" _Argh... Robin, shut up, shut up, go away, go away, please... Now's not the time!_

"That's great news! Come on, we got to go see her!"

"I'll catch up! I have to deal with this!" Indeed, she had to.

"Alright!"

Footsteps and he disappeared from the front of her quarter's door. The voices continued on. _The mirror, the mirror! Have to... Need to find it! _Her head spun, one side to another, searching that damned mirror somewhere in her room.

_That's not going to save you, Raven. That's not going to work. It's futile and pitiful. It's- _

_MY ONLY WAY OUT. QUIET! _Then they laugh, mocking her, voices too many and too unsynchronized for her to understand any of their insults and teases. _Stop lying to yourself, we are the real you. The normal, average, Raven. The not-cursed Raven. The Raven with feelings. _Her hand moves about, dragging herself to the vanity where she last left the mirror while keeping a grip on her forehead.

It's there, she can see its clear glass glowing faintly, a pearl in the darkness of her room by the vanity table. She got off the bed, falling to the floor a ragdoll.

_He's your only way out. _

_NO, HE IS NOT! I'M NOT FOR HIM. I WILL NEVER BE FOR HIM. I AM NO REPLACEMENT. _A weight fell upon her head, a sort of weakness that dragged her down. Pictures, flashes from time, the past, moments and scenes with him, the emotions beautifying episodes of genuine friendship to romance; a mockery, a parody of her life, shown through images behind her eyes. She grunted; gritting her teeth as pain electrified in under the skin of her head. _You've always felt something all those seconds with him. Always, what hid behind the locks of your heart begged to release itself from within. Always, we were there, everyday, every moment._

_NO, NO, SHUT UP! _"SHUT UP!" She pulls herself up. Try as she must, the weakness was overwhelming. She began to pull herself up, her hands gripping on the edge of the vanity desk.

_Are you beginning to see, Raven? The real you is us. What we feel towards all around you is the truth. That which hid us from the outside is nothing but a veil. Embrace it, Raven. You cannot settle with mere tastes and sips; you have to indulge... What you feel for him is the truth. Love, love, love... Love is a playground, where all and every emotion comes to play. Wake up, Raven. You need all of us to feel-" _

"SILENCE!" Her hand finds the grip of the mirror, and quickly, she dragged it in front of her, her reflection meeting her image. Silence came, it did swiftly; the voices extinguished.

A moment of pure quiet arrived.

As she finds herself at the mirror, she grew more familiar at what she truly appeared like at this moment. Her face looks at itself with a sort of worry, an expression exasperated and thankful at the same time. The weakness dissipated and she stood up, breathing heavily and lost for all thought and speech.

She turns her head up, seeing her face by the larger vanity mirror. Another image of herself, a less clearer one for the vanity mirror was old and the glass a worldly-quality. Her eyes meet her own, an exchange of pity ensues: one to her own reflection, and one from the reflection to her.

Has she truly lied to herself? Did the control of her inhuman powers wrought the need to take away an integral part of her humanity? No human can be empty of feelings, devoid of emotion for the sake of control for daemonic energy, that which is inhuman. The voices convinced her, she can give them that, but to excessively feel them is to go against all that she and the monks had stood for. Truly, she had no idea what to do.

Her head bowed down, finding the same reflection once again, but clearer, on Vaeseroth's mirror. _What can I do? It's gotten me... _She closed her eyes and clenched her fists.

"Only one way, Raven."

Her eyes open. Vaeseroth's reflection catches her eyes with a look that communicated kindness and approachability. Though aged, he never ran out of his own wisdom, wisdom that Raven never forgot since his disappearance.

"Vaeseroth!" She gripped both sides of the mirror. "It's..."

"Yes, it is me, my dear, at least, a moment of me."

"How?"

"Cazvan magic, no need to ask." He smiled, Raven mimicking the same smile. She missed that annoying smile of his. "It seems that the mirror is beginning to fail, dear."

"Is that the cause of all of this?"

"Yes, child, it is indeed. By now, you should have complete control over what runs wild inside your mind, your heart, and let's not forget, your spirit."

"But, I don't... I've... deviated..." She took a heavy breath.

"Hmm... That is difficult. You've set yourself upon a more challenging path. Did something interrupt the tempering of your own feelings throughout the years?"

Too many to count. Being with the Titans, it had caused some of her inner self to slip out at the worst and best times, but even so, her discipline kept that in check. It always did and it never failed. Until now. "No. I've kept it in control."

"Then perhaps you've encountered something quite serious..."

"I... I have."

"What is it, child? Enlighten me."

"I don't know what it is, really. It slipped off my guard and now it's running amok all over my sanity."

"Which is? We need to be a bit more specific."

"The voices call it 'love and romance,' but that's not true. I know better than them."

"But they are you. Parts of you, at least." Vaeseroth sighed. "Love is too much for you and maybe even too much for them, is it not? Clearly, you would not want to be under such influence."

"No, no, I'm not saying that... Well, I kinda am... But..." She paused.

"But?"

"It's affecting my powers, and more importantly, it's affecting _me_. I don't want it around me."

"That is what it is. No wonder all of _them_ awakened for love calls for them all. It is, put simply, a play of all human feelings. They want you to complete that play, Raven." Sometimes, his analogies were too much, as he had, at one point, compared the life of a snail to the life of the ignorant and the making of tea to the completion of peace. She missed them of course, on how they made for great wisdom or great confusion. But this one, just not this one. "And who are you feeling these for? Or at least, who is the person that the voices are pointing at?"

"A friend of mine... A close one."

"Then the voices are not mistaken. They wish to complete you, Raven, but destroy you at the same time. They are both what reality is inside you and what desecration awaits you."

"What should I do, Vaeseroth?I feel lost. I don't know what to feel or what to think. I try to control the uncontrollable but it's no longer working."

"You have to follow them."

"What?"

"Yes, you have to comply. They will only silence when they know that you are under their whim. Their power only grows with resistance. The mirror was meant to stop that growth, but seeing that this mirror is losing its own energy as my power fades, then you are left with only that option. You have to let them flow, but do not let them surge, or your powers will surge with them."

"But, Vaeseroth, there are complications to that."

"You must, Raven. You are strong now and you no longer need my guidance. You have to complete the play or the voices will tear your powers apart in an unspeakable fury."

His words only sunk the confusion and lost deeper. "But emotions are-"

"A way to the destruction of your mind, yes, that is what the Azarathians teach and what Trigonians embrace. But understand, that these inner workings of the mind and spirit cannot fully be suppressed, lest you let go of the authenticity of your humanity. Without these chaotic, unguided feelings, then you are nothing but a machine. You are a paragon of balance, Raven, both chaos and control is within you, a Cazvah manifest. You must seek your own way, that is the path to your own wisdom: the path that is paved by yourself."

Raven only listened, subtle feelings of uncertainty and worry at the backdrop of her mind. This is a problem. All would be less difficult and more comfortable if not for the cause of that complication. She need not mention it to Vaeseroth. She did have to find her own way out, didn't she?

"I understand..." She said.

"Good, dear. My time in this mirror is shorter still. This piece of my soul will soon follow through with me and I shall finally be complete."

The realization wrapped her. "Wait, did you..."

"I did, dear. I've infused a part of my own soul into this mirror to circulate the energy for years. I've done this before the day of my execution, the day when I last spoke to you. This ritual is forbidden by the Azarathians, and, well, they know that I've privy in their plot against you, so I had to help you still. I was already marked anyway. Once this hour is over, I leave this realm and go to the last step of my death."

He had postponed his own ascension to aid Raven from beyond his death. It was more than just respect, it was faith and gratitude that Vaeseroth earned from Raven. "Thank you, Vaeseroth. I won't forget you."

Then he nodded once, taking in her words. "I thank you, Raven, you are the daughter that I've never had. Now, I must go... My own daughter awaits me. Do not give up hope, Raven, your willpower, your ability to choose without influence, will guide you through. Always give faith towards yourself. Goodbye, Raven, this world can no longer hold me..." His image faded from the glass, like a ghost into the mist. He was gone. The only mentor she had every trusted and followed was forever out of this plane of existence.

"Goodbye, Vaeseroth..." _the father that I've never had... _It welled under her eyes, but even that she could not stop. It traveled down her cheeks, then dripped from her chin towards the glass mirror. Soon, the tranquility of the mirror faded into gray, and her own reflection faded along with it.

She was left in the silence of her room. Her hand removed itself from the mirror as to wipe her tears. She takes a deep breath. Is this what it's like to be Beast Boy? To have too many things in the wrong places, but bugged by that one thing that's so dear that isn't where it's supposed to be? She didn't want it, no, she didn't want _him _in the way that 'herself' demanded. Would she put her trust into the unpredictable, unfathomable rusty gears that cranked just now? If it meant her sanity and self-control then... okay. She had to. She will. There is no other choice but this.

The worst part? It wasn't trying to love Beast Boy, but it was what the inner-selves truly called for: it was trying to get Beast Boy to feel the same for her.

She bit her lip. That was an uncomfortable if not a disgusting thought. Never will she ever fall for that animal-man. They don't mix; that's the dogma written in the strings of her heart: what doesn't mix, doesn't mix. Malchoir and her mixed, but it ended in betrayal. So, she had to try, she will never know until she takes the opportunity, but how? Slade's on the loose again, Terra's back, and Beast Boy's attachment for the geokinetic girl hasn't left. Calm, she has to regain her calm or she'll lose her mind. She has to just go with what happens, but without disregarding the objective at hand. Sooner or later, something just might occur for her to make progress with this... self-mission.

_I'm sorry, Terra. I hope this won't hurt. _She thought as she then again saw her own eyes at the vanity mirror. _There's no other way..._

Knocks on her door yet again. It's Cyborg.

"Hey, Rae! We're ordering some good ol' pizza to celebrate Terra's return!"

She looks at the door. She can only hope that nothing goes wrong once she sees Beast Boy. Her control is completely based by her own will now with no help from meditation or the mirror. This is the shakiest of her resistance, but the only defense she had now. She has to keep up with them or they'll tear her apart. She fixes her countenance by the mirror, making sure that she looked normal and problem-free. The last of the tears were wiped off and she then again looks at the door.

"It's all cheeeesee..." He said. "Come on, you wouldn't give up pizza, would you? That's a sin."

She continued on to the door, glancing back at the mirror as she approached it. She is completely by herself now; her powers unchecked.

* * *

**Author's Note:** I'M BACK. Sorry for that long hiatus, was really busy with my life out of this website. Well, here's where things start to slowly kick up a notch; hopefully, I didn't screw it up this story for you guys. And I can assure you, this will continue to be BBxRae, but there'll still be a push-and-pull with Terra. Yep, that's it for now. Hope you guys liked this chapter, thanks for reading, see you on the next one.

Note: I understand that I've made a canon mistake over Raven's real name. It really is a mistake on my part, primarily because of my lack of research. I am so sorry if it does feel uncomfortable. I'll rewrite it one day and hope to fix any plot holes that might happen from changing Vaeseroth's knowledge of Raven's true name.


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